Chapter 2
The Mother I Thought I Would Be
For a long time in my early twenties, I believed I knew exactly the kind of mother I would become.
I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother.
I imagined a home filled with the rhythm of daily life — cooking, cleaning, caring for children, and being present for every small moment. I shared this dream often with my husband, back when he was still my boyfriend, and even after we married we spoke about it as something we both agreed on.
It felt simple. It felt right.
But life has a way of quietly reshaping our plans.
A Question I Didn't Expect
When I became pregnant, a new question slowly started forming in my mind.
What kind of role model do I want to be for my child?
One day my child will watch me closely to understand what adulthood looks like. She will look at how I live, how I work, how I carry myself in the world.
And that made me pause.
Not because there is anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mother — far from it. Raising children is one of the most meaningful roles anyone can take on.
But I realized something about myself.
I also loved being a professional. I loved building things, solving problems, and growing in my career.
And I didn't want to lose that part of me.
The Difficult Questions
So I asked myself difficult questions.
Could I show my child that motherhood and ambition can exist together?
Could I prove to myself that becoming a mother didn't mean the end of the person I had been building for years?
Changing that plan wasn't easy.
It meant letting go of an idea I had carried for a long time.
But I chose to continue working — even after becoming a mother, even while living abroad, even without the extended family support many people rely on.
I chose it for my child.
And I chose it for myself.
The Reality No One Fully Explains
The truth is, it hasn't been easy.
Being an IT professional and a mother is demanding in ways I never fully understood before. Work doesn't always end when you leave the office. Technology moves fast, and staying relevant requires constant learning.
And at the same time, motherhood fills every corner of your day with love, responsibility, and exhaustion.
Evenings can feel chaotic. Days can feel short. And sometimes, doubt creeps in.
But something else lives there too.
Pride.
Pride in knowing that we are showing up.
Pride in continuing to grow.
Pride in proving to ourselves that we are capable of more than we once imagined.
What Motherhood Actually Did
Motherhood didn't make me smaller.
It made me stronger, more intentional, and more aware of the kind of life I want to live.
And maybe that is the most important thing our children can see — not perfection, but courage.
The courage to choose our own path.
Every mother writes her own story. This one is mine.
Yours Loving, NimmuJ