Chapter 2
The Mother My Daughter Sees
Before I became a mother, I spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of mother I wanted to be.
Would I be patient enough?
Would I be present enough?
Would I be doing the right things?
What I didn't think about was something much bigger.
The kind of woman my daughter would see when she looked at me.
The Ordinary Mornings She Watches
Every morning, my daughter watches me get ready for the day.
She sees me packing her daycare bag.
She sees me searching for her missing socks.
She sees me rushing through breakfast and making sure we both get out the door on time.
And then she sees me leave for work.
Right now, she is too young to understand what I do.
She doesn't know what software development is.
She doesn't know what meetings are.
She doesn't know why I sometimes open my laptop after she goes to sleep to learn something new or finish a task that couldn't wait.
To her, I am simply Mom.
One Day She Will Understand
But one day she will understand.
One day she will realize that every morning I left for work because I had responsibilities.
Not because I loved her less.
Not because work was more important.
But because I was building a life for us.
And most importantly I was building a life for myself too.
The Lessons We Don't Say Out Loud
As mothers, we spend so much time worrying about what we teach our children.
We teach them kindness.
We teach them honesty.
We teach them how to share and how to apologize.
But some of the most important lessons are never spoken aloud.
They are simply observed.
My daughter is watching me every day.
She is watching how I handle challenges.
How I speak to people.
How I recover when things don't go according to plan.
How I treat myself when I make mistakes.
How I keep going when life feels overwhelming.
She sees me as a mother.
But she also sees me as a woman.
A professional.
A learner.
A person with goals, ambitions, and responsibilities.
And that matters.**
For a long time before I became a mother, I imagined a different future.
I imagined staying home with my children.
I imagined giving all of my time and attention to them.
There is beauty in that path.
And there is strength in it too.
But somewhere during my pregnancy, I realized something.
I wanted my daughter to see that becoming a mother doesn't mean giving up every other part of yourself.
The Woman I Want Her to See
I wanted her to grow up seeing a woman who cared deeply for her family.
But also a woman who continued to grow.
To learn.
To contribute.
To challenge herself.
To build things she was proud of.
As a software engineer, I spend my days solving problems.
I write code.
I investigate bugs.
I design solutions.
Some days it goes smoothly.
Some days it doesn't.
But every day I am reminded that growth rarely comes from staying comfortable.
And perhaps that lesson applies far beyond technology.
Caring and Achieving
There are days when I feel exhausted.
Days when daycare drop-offs are emotional.
Days when work is demanding.
Days when neither motherhood nor engineering feels easy.
But when I think about the example I want to set, the answer becomes clearer.
I don't want my daughter to grow up believing she has to choose between caring and achieving.
Between family and ambition.
Between being a mother and being herself.
I want her to know that life is rarely that simple.
And that every woman has the right to decide what fulfillment looks like for her.
Whatever Path She Chooses
Maybe one day she will choose a path completely different from mine.
Maybe she won't become an engineer.
Maybe she won't become a mother.
Maybe she will dream bigger than I ever did.
I hope she does.
But whatever path she chooses, I hope she remembers one thing.
When she looked at her mother, she didn't just see someone who loved her.
She saw someone who kept growing.
Someone who kept learning.
Someone who kept showing up.
And if she learns that from me, then perhaps I'm teaching her more than I ever realized.
Yours Loving, NimmuJ